FAMILY ISSUES (1G-1)

Domestic Violence

Handout

Let's think back to early human history. For thousands of years it was the man's
job to hunt for this tribe and to protect the women and children. Loyalty to the
family and tribe was the most important thing.

Our world is a lot different, but family loyalty is still important.

The world can be a very tough place. it's hard to find and keep a job. It can be
hard to get along with other people. It's hard to keep food on the table, to keep
your family clothed and with a decent place to live. the street can be a mean
place, too, full of people who will take what you've got or want to sell you
something you don't need. In some ways, our world may be just as tough as the
world of the hunter and warrior.

You may have to be tough to get along, to keep your job, to stay alive on the
street.

You do not have to be tough with your family. Your family is where you can
build up the strength to be tough when you need to be.

A family home has to be safe for everyone who live there. You, your partner and
your kids all have to know that you are not going to be hurt at home. Everyone
needs a safe place to live.

It is your responsibility to make sure that your home is a safe place to live.

Some people seem to think that growing up afraid and unsafe makes you tough.
They think that if you make children feel safe, secure and loved, they will be
sissies. That's wrong.

Growing up safe, secure and loved makes you stronger and better able to deal
with the world. It makes it easier for you to make it on your own, as an
independent person.

Growing up scared just makes you scared. A scared child becomes a scared adult.
He may hide his fear behind pretending to be a tough guy, but he isn't.

Holding and loving a child doesn't make him weak any more than being mean
to him makes him strong.

Let's talk about how you build a safe place for people to live. Depending on
where you live, you may have to Provide some active protection against the
crime, drugs and other harmful things on the street. You may have to have locks
and even bars on the windows and doors. You may have to be prepared to
personally protect your family.

The most important thing, though, has to do with how family members behave
toward each other. You can talk, criticize, or even yell at each other, but there has
to be a rule - no one in the family will physically hurt another member of the
family.

No one respects a man who beats up women and children. A man is supposed to
protect his family, no hurt them. A man who hurts his family will tend to get
very lonely. Other men, although they may not say anything to his face, will not
want to be his friends.

Eventually, of course, the man may find himself in trouble with the law. As far
as the courts go, beating up your wife or child is an assault. You have no special
right to hit other family members. It's against the law and the consequences are
serious.

Some men abuse children without beating them up. I don't mean yelling at
them - I mean something much more serious. Some men have sex with
children - young children, even their own sons and daughters.

Sexual abuse of children is very wrong. Sexual abuse can include touching
children in a sexual way, as well as having sex with them. You might be
surprised to know how much sexual abuse goes on.

Sexual abuse is against the law too. Actually, of course, sexual abusers are people
with mental problems who need to get help before they hurt somebody.

Men sometimes seem to think of women as their property. It's like they "own"
their wife or girlfriend. They think that this gives them the right to hit the
woman. This is wrong. Women are people. They have the same rights that you
have. You do not "own" a person.

Children are people, too. You do - and should - have a lot of control over them,
but you have no right to hit them.

Threatening to hit your family members is almost as bad as hitting them. If any
member of your family is afraid of you or of being at home, it makes your home
less safe for everyone. Your family is not supposed to be afraid of you. When you
say that you "respect" someone, does that mean you are afraid of them? What is
the difference between fear and respect.

Respect is something you earn by being a fair and trustworthy person. You win
respect by treating people honestly and fairly. You can get people to fear you by
threatening them. People don't like people who make them afraid. Fear is not
respect.

Family members should be able to respect each other, but they shouldn't have to
fear each other. If you want to be respected, though, you have to earn it. You earn
it by being fair and doing what you say you will do. You earn respect by listening
to what others have to say and trying to understand where they're coming from.
Can you think of other ways to earn respect?

     Remember:


     1. Don't hit on your family!
     2. It's your responsibility to make your home safe for everyone who lives there.
     3. Women and children have rights, too.
     4. Threatening to hurt Your family is wrong.
     5. It's easy to make a child fear you. You have to earn respect.