SESSION TEN - Relationships: How you see yourself as as Man

OBJECTIVES  

Young men will be able to:

•   understand how boys are trained to be men
•   identify how they themselves were trained
•   identify the costs of male socialization
•   connect the male role to the enforcement of the power system

AGENDA 

1.    Check-in
2.    Father-Son Role Play
3.    The Act-Like-a-Man Box
4.    The Costs of Male Training
5.    Checkout


SESSION OUTLINE 

1.    Check-in 
      Respond to any questions group members have from the previous session. You
      may also want to review the handout, "Who's Got Power?" but you can be very
      brief.


2.    Father-Son Role Play 

      Conduct the following role play with a volunteer from the group. You will play the father; the group member
      will act as the ten-year-old son. Briefly rehearse the following sketch with him away from the rest of the group.
      When he is ready and you feel he understands his role, perform the sketch for the group.

      (Son is sitting on a chair watching TV. Father, just returning from work, enters the room.)

      FATHER: Turn off the TV! What the hell are you doing? And what the hell
                       is this? (Shows report card.)

      SON:        It's my report card.

      FATHER: Your report card! If you're so smart, why were you stupid enough to get a D in math?
 
      SON:        I did the best I could.

      FATHER: The best you could? You're just stupid!

      SON:        That's not fair. (Tries to get up.)

      FATHER: (Shoves him down.) Don't you talk back to me! You hear, boy?
                       (Son starts to cry.) Oh, you gonna cry now? Huh? (Shakes son, hits him with report card.)
                        You can't even act like a man! 
                        (Stomps out.)

     Discussion Questions: 

• How did it feel to watch the role play? (Try to get one-word, "feeling" responses, such as "angry,"
  
  
  "scared," or "familiar.")
• What do you think the son was feeling? (List responses on the board, and then draw a circle around the list.)
• What messages was the son in the role play getting about how men should act? (Give the group plenty of time
  
  
  to come up with different expectations the son was learning. See handout, "The Act-Like-a-Man Box.")
• What messages about how men should act might a son get from a father who isn't around? From a father who won't listen and doesn't seem to care? (List responses to last two questions on the board, and then draw a  box around them.)

     Explain: 

These messages create a box. We call it the Act-Like-a-Man Box. Boys are taught to live inside it. You all have learned to live inside it. Not all fathers are like the one in the role play, but all men can think of other men who have passed on the Act-Like-a-Man Box to them.


3.    The Act-Like-a-Man Box  

     Distribute handout, "Act-Like-a-Man Box," to the group.


     Discussion Questions:  

• Which things in the box are okay to be sometimes? (Circle responses like"brave," "responsible, etc. Tell the group that these characteristics are good, but it is hurtful to believe a man must be these things all the time.)
• What words do young men get called when they step outside the box? For example, when the son in the role play cried. (Write these down outside the box.)
• As a young man, what do you think you have to do when you are called those names?
• How do you think it feels to have these feelings on the inside (point to the words in the circle), and this set of expectations on the outside (point to the words in the box)?
• How does it feel for you?
• How might different men play the father?
• How does your father, or any other man involved in raising you, play the father?
• What have you learned from the men in your life about being a man?
• What have you learned from the men in your life that can help you get out of the box?
  
  
  4.    The Costs of Male Training 
  
  
        This exercise can be done either by having group members raise their hands as you
        read the questions from the handout, "The Costs of Male Training," or by having
        the young men check off statements on their own handouts. If the group is larger
        than ten members, you might have them stand up--silently--for each statement that
        applies to them. This can have a dramatic effect on the group.
  
        Follow this exercise with a discussion in pairs or as a whole group about how it felt
        to respond to these questions about male training. The discussion should start with
        their feelings, and then move into their reflections about what they have been taught
        about what it means to be a man. Distribute the handout, "The Costs of Male
        Training," if you didn't hand it out before the exercise.
  
        Ask group members what they think the connection is between male training and
        the violence mentioned during discussion of the power chart (handout). Ask them
        also to describe ways that they see men being trained to "enforce" this system. List
        their responses and use them to recognize the role that men--as authorities,
        managers, soldiers, police, workers--play in enforcing all the power differences
        highlighted on the power chart.
  
  
  5.    Checkout 
  
        Ask each group member to describe one thing he has learned in this session or say
        one thought about what's been said.