SESSION TEN - Relationships: How You Perceive Women

OBJECTIVES  

Young men will be able to:

•   describe and understand how the Act-Like-a-Lady Box works
•   acknowledge how they may have contributed to hurting women
•   understand how women get blamed
•   define a good relationship between a man and a woman
  
  AGENDA 
  
  
  1.    Check-in
  2.    Women
  3.    Violence Against Women
  4.    Checkout
  
  
  
  SESSION OUTLINE 
  
  1.    Check-in 
        Ask each group member to name one important woman in his life and to describe what is special or important about her.
  
  
  2.    Women 
  
         Refer again to the "Who's Got Power?" chart (page 20). This session will focus on the second line on the chart (men and women), to begin to see how women are often treated by men.
  Ask group members to construct a picture of what they think women are supposed to be like. Suggest that they draw from everyday images, such as the magazine covers they might see in a supermarket or convenience-store checkout line. Write down the group's responses in a column on the board. Draw a box around the group's words. This is the version of the box for women. As for the Act-Like-a-Man Box, have the group respond to the following questions, marking their answers on the board.
  • What are young women taught about how they're supposed to act? What are they expected to be like? (Add to the words inside the box.)
  • What names do they get called when they step out of the box? What other things do men say to women when they are putting women down? (Write these outside the box on one side.)
  • What else is done to women? Physically? Emotionally? Sexually?
  • How much money do they make compared to men?
  • What kinds of work do women do? (Write these answers outside the opposite side of the box.)
  • How do these items work to keep women in the box?

  Distribute handout, "Act-Like-a-Lady Box.  
  
  
  
  3.    Violence Against Women 
   Conduct the following exercise to take a look at the things men have been taught to do to reinforce the ideas in the Act-Like-a-Lady Box. As with "The Costs of Male Training" handout, have group members raise their hands or silently stand with each "yes answer. For younger teens, substitute the word "girl" for "woman" and delete questions not appropriate to their experience.
  Distribute handout, "What Men Do to Women. 
  
  Explain: 
  
  
  We cannot break the cycle of violence if we are trying to control women and keep them inside the Act-Like-a-Lady Box. But it is not easy to change. The system teaches us to blame women with phrases like...What?
  
  Ask for examples from the group, but add the following:

  • "That's just the way it is between men and women."
  • "She deserved it."
  • "She asked for it."
  • "She likes it."
  • "That's all they're good for."
  • "She teased me."
  • "She shouldn't have dressed like that" (been out like that, said those things, etc.).
  • "Women do that to men too."

  
  
  Explain: 
  
  
  One of the negative ways women sometimes try to get out of the box is by being abusive toward others. We may even have been hurt ourselves by a woman. We always need to defend ourselves from being hurt, but we can't use this as an excuse for our own violent behavior.

  • Explain to group members that many women are also trying to get out of the box to forge a new life for themselves and to protect themselves from the cycle of violence. Go back to the women mentioned during the check-in (or anyone else group members have thought of since) and ask group members how they see these women resisting the box

  
  
  
  4.     As each group member to describe any thoughts or feelings he has about the session. As part of the Safety Check, invite members to name any situations they foresee of putting down women in any way. Then ask them to commit to honoring the women who are important to them by honoring all women.
  
  
  
  
  5.    Ask class to define what is needed for a good relationship. Use handout, "Relationship Equality"